It's Not the Behavior That Matters

Today, I went for a run for the first time in 14 months. 

I’m hot, sweaty, and a little sunburned, but feel wonderful. 

It was uncomfortable, somewhat painful, and hard to breathe at times, but I did it. 

I did it because it’s what my body and mind needed.

It happened after a phone call that left me completely physically and mentally overwhelmed and dysregulated.

I couldn’t settle and focus. 

I literally could not sit still.

And I needed to do something.

Anything to feel regulated again.

It happened because I did not have access to my normal distractions- my house was clean, I didn’t need to make lunch, my children where both gone, and my husband had our only car.

I felt trapped.

I used to run a lot; in fact, there have been times when I’ve been pretty compulsive about it (and how I know that it’s been 14 months since my last run).

Without other distractions and given a choice, my mind and body went back to what they knew and what they needed.

While I was running and paying attention to my goal, form, and surroundings, the stuff that got me dysregulated did not creep in.

However, the stuff still crept in quite a bit.

I let it creep but tried not to let it stay long and gently directed my attention back to my goal, form, and surroundings. 

All the dysregulated energy was being discharged and gave me the energy to keep going. 

My goal was to run for 15 minutes, turn around, and see if I could get home in the same amount of time or quicker.

On the way back home, I struggled and walked more.  

But, I still made it home quicker because the incline was downhill this time.

When I hit the downhill, I cruised and focused on my goal.

The “stuff” didn’t creep in. 

I felt free.

If I would not have been able to run, I’m not sure what I would have done. 

I would have been angry, maybe tried to work but would not have been able to focus, and would have probably carried it with me and not be in the best of moods when my family got home.

And instead, I am happy and able to breathe freely, concentrate, and sit to write this.

Now, imagine this…

Imagine if I couldn’t do, or didn’t have access to, what my body and mind needed in order to regulate.

Imagine if my body has never had the experience of feeling dysregulated and then regulated again. 

We wonder why people exhibit challenging or strange behaviors when we don’t provide them with any other option.

And, why, when we do provide other options, regulation experiences, and support the mind and body to be in a healthy place, the body and mind choose to continue being healthy.

It’s not the behavior that matters.

Behaviors are the body’s way of getting a need met in the only way it knows how.

I took it slow and was gentle with myself with the expectation that I did not have to do it any certain way. 

And, it was the unexpected help from the downhill when I needed it the most that carried me home.

It was the push for someone else’s right for regulation that got me dysregulated in the first place.

So, the next time you’re worried about what may happen when someone is dysregulated based on how they have behaved in the past when they had no other option, think about what could happen.

When provided with other options, experiences, and opportunities, the “could” happens.